February 23, 2009

Little Jerry & I




過年和Little Jerry的合照們。

怡君姐姐說生了這個兒子之後,在學校從嚴厲兇狠搖身一變成極度溫柔的英文老師,她說每個父母能把小孩養到這麼大實在是不容易,哈。除了這個小可愛張牙五爪摔破東西的恐怖時刻外,Jerry真的是可愛極了 :)

February 11, 2009

Useless ?!


It seens that my recovery system don't work very well these days...What happened indeed?

Lots of feelings need to be faced and touched. Mom sounds little strange on the phone, I knew she didn't wanna tell me what's going on. "You need hot water, mommy, don't forget to have more." I said. "You are not here by my side to do that for me, it's useless to say that." She said to me. I were astonished in mind but I pretended to be as usual and reminded her again and told her I will come back home right after I finish my papers. She was in a hurry to get off the phone.

It is really cruel to me...

When you find something you want to do but however you can't, how do you feel? Such a single word as "Sad" can't express currectly. Sad and disappointed and....some words I can't tell.

Yesterday when I finished my job at school, I walked back and when I was on the way at NTU, I called Mom and asked about her cold for days. As soon as I hang up the phone, I decided to make a gift for her while someday if I get to the U.S. to study. I will prepare a glass container and fill it with hundreds of capsules each with a tiny & colorful paper card inside. She can open one capsule a day and read the words I left. "Dear Mommy, I wear so so much now in freezing America, don't worry too much. I love U" "I know you miss me, please check my blog to see my picture, I can take care of myself here :)" After I figured out my colorful capsule plan, I was so excited. However, now my mind go blank...

Useless.....Useless..........

How could everything become useless when I am far apart? What can I do will make you feel useful when I 'm far apart? If I know, I will try with all my heart.

After working all day, I have no strength for tears.

February 10, 2009

魚 the edge



魚(the edge) 詞曲:陳綺貞

我坐在椅子上,看日出復活。
我坐在夕陽裡,看城市的衰弱。
我摘下一片葉子,讓它代替我,觀察離開後的變化。

曾經狂奔,舞蹈,貪婪的說話,隨著冷的濕的心,腐化。

帶不走的丟不掉的,讓大雨侵蝕吧!
讓它推向我在邊界,奮不顧身掙扎。
如果有一個懷抱,勇敢不計代價,別讓我飛,將我溫柔豢養。

帶不走的留不下的,我全都交付它,
讓它捧著我在手掌,自由自在揮灑。
如果有一個世界混濁的不像話。原諒我飛,曾經眷戀太陽。

帶不走的丟不掉的,讓大雨侵蝕吧!
讓它推向我在邊界,奮不顧身掙扎。
如果有一個世界混濁的不像話,我會瘋狂的愛上。

帶不走的留不下的,我全都交付它,
讓它捧著我在手掌,自由自在揮灑。

如果有一個懷抱,勇敢不計代價,
別讓我飛,將我溫柔豢養。
原諒我飛,曾經眷戀太陽。

一大清早就被追殺感覺可怕,小魚與灰熊果然無法相抗衡。

不知怎麼感到那麼一點壓迫,想說些什麼抱怨些什麼,好像沒有合適的人可以說,但又好像也沒什麼值得說的,事情好好做完便是...

沒有工作的時候讓魚在橘色iPod來回重複播放,只在這個時候,感到一點自在與自由;也許旋律唱到我最喜歡的地方,要進系辦的我,只能按下暫停,把她收進包包。

February 09, 2009

所謂責任


Dear yu :

I read your letter already. You're really a nice girl. All of us are so lucky to have you here in GF, I think everyone have the same feeling as mine. I believe that you must learn so much from each kind of situations, and it can improve your strong sense of self, understanding of relationship between people and problem solving. I'm glad that you can see these things in a really positive way. It's good for you in life, trust me.

Take care,

Sylvia
-------
親愛的立璇:

謝謝你這幾天跟我聊好多,很忙碌地準備考生服務隊的事情,還是抓緊任何可以的機會盡可能了解一些情況。從以前我們大家都總是這樣被你照顧著,很喜愛這種分享的感覺,這幾天跟老師和大頭聊很多,雖然擔憂的還是擔憂,可是也是相對有信心一些,推彥名上這條路,很捨不得也很懊惱,不過我想還是要相信這條路帶給他的成長,畢竟我一直一直在這條路上得到很多,包括現在,和你們聊著他們的狀況,也得去學習這些當老基路上的心境。我想我們都得對他有信心,從探隊回來,這些皇帝不急急死太監的心情,很愚笨我覺得,但是回想自己的過去,不也都是這樣,一步步成長,而每一個人的成長路都不太一樣。

小小的我,因為跟你們這些很厲害的老師和老基聊天,所以放心很多,唉好想哭…

是啊…會覺得累,但是因為一屆一屆這樣用心保護我們堅信的東西,所以就會很不想放掉努力的一些東西,今天聽到你和大頭在聊天,我也不知道,至少讓我深深為在這裡傳承的好而感動,因為上面的人會給個肩膀給個依靠,當我們需要的時候,依舊不變的就是一份關心,簡簡單單的。

謝謝你們,我很佩服的社長大人們,基服的未來,我們討論很久了,要做真的需要很多勇氣和決心,有你們在,改革的一路上,會安穩得多,因為改變很難,特別是在基服,傳統的那一塊很重。社長會找我討論,某方面總是好的(可以跟你們通風報信一下這樣)不在那個位子上,也許心不會這麼慌,比較可以冷靜想一想,但換作是自己坐那個位子,相對來說,會帶著很多猶豫和不確定,這就是為什麼我當初當隊長的時候,要跟老基借許多勇氣了吧!唉…好啦!我會替他們找原因,不過很明顯地感受得到,每一屆不同的氣啊!(這句話很有老人FU)

總之,在課外組打工,有什麼事我會跟老師討論,疲累的心其實不知道可以乘載多少?但是有你們在身邊聽我說說話,這樣就夠啦!這幾天,就是心慌心慌,怕社長過於放大太多負面,因為這一次探隊給她的衝擊不少,也擔憂她的幹部接收到許多負面,如果我跟社長如此近,那我想我會再去問問老師,我可以怎麼建議他。

我也跟你們一樣,對他們有責任,然後想要好好傳承,還是要說,九八級讓你們擔心了!很喜歡你,謝謝。 --筱喻

Next step ?

Right after I went back Taipei for this 10 days, there are really large amounts of things & works to do. Going out early in the morning and back home lately almost everyday.

Too busy to get a nice holiday plan for my winter vacation
Too busy to do something need to be done these days
Too busy to prepare for AWA even the info of registration
Too busy to think clearly about the next step...

Just wanna take a break, but lots of jobs on schedule wait me to fulfill them. Sometimes everything is worthy and good to me but not all stuff truely better now in my own priority. I must be more serious about my daily plan during my master. Make a proper choices and decisions for myself.

February 08, 2009

以前寫給妳的詩


藍天‧小太陽/永祺

初見,如同曙光的乍現
藍色
混上太陽般的
色彩,期待瞬間跟永恆的平衡
雲朵遮不住,天藍
絢麗了光芒
夢想將穿過油彩而畫面將進入真實
實實在在的敲響心弦
回繞的聲音將被遠方的人聽見
「我曾經忘記了等待卻擋不住未來。」

<2007/5/5 贈 天藍‧藍天>

回頭找尋明忠大哥的eamil,不經意看見了這封信,文字之間想起了一些都快要被遺忘的時刻;這兩天玲冶說了很多當初去美國自助的有趣事,怎麼有些都忘了呢?我真的太想念那些時光了...有些回憶,思緒回到過去,感受不同了;有些回憶,在忙碌中被遺忘,有點可惜。不過,擁有回憶還是一件幸福的事。

February 05, 2009

大家說


小郁在網誌上說:『喜歡每天忙的像陀螺卻很有想法的立璇...』
克里斯彥昨晚說:『喂~你真的一副老師樣耶...』
秋慧老師今天說:『立璇,我覺得你做事真的是越來越明快也越來越成熟了...』

身邊的人們很有趣,他們說的話就像是你的鏡子一般讓你看見自己;它像星巴克的彩色軟糖,繽紛而甜美,有些像跳跳糖,在妳思緒裡或狂喜或抗議,有的則像膠囊吧,吞進肚子裡沒特別味道,但它其實會慢慢讓你有所改變,變得更有力量。話可以說得難聽說得嚴厲,話可以說得客觀說得中立,話可以說得漂亮說得誠懇,我常在自己腦海中的理性與感性中拉距,希望把話講的恰如其分;因為感性她不想傷人,所以我會換個方式表達,因為理性她追求真理,所以我的讚美往往是真的。

February 04, 2009

The Big Day


(2008年夏天‧陪媽咪自強活動逗媽咪笑@草地青翠天藍到不行的清境農場)

今天是最可愛媽咪的生日,要特別在這裡紀念一下。妳一直要我別回家,跑來跑去很趕很累,但我一點也不累,妳是我最重要的人,看妳笑看妳快樂我才開心,就算在台北手邊忙著很多事情,還是心裏頭還是時時惦記著妳的,真的不用太擔心我,我都把自己照顧的很好呢,臉都圓嘟嘟的妳也都看到了呀,哈哈!

親愛的媽咪生日快樂,健康美麗我愛妳 :)



Pop Art Collage

February 02, 2009

拼圖數獨


每個直行,每個橫列,每個小色塊內,都有1到9的數字,每個數字只出現一次。

昨天在芳芳家,塗塗改改花了許久解開這個遊戲;我想我跟數字的緣分大概只到學測數學考卷交卷鐘聲響起的那一刻吧(笑),不過玩著玩著倒覺得頗有意思的。

(不)相信

二十歲之前相信的很多東西,後來一件一件變成不相信。

曾經相信過愛情,後來知道,原來愛情必須轉化為親情才可能持久,但是轉化為親情的愛情,猶如化入杯水中的冰塊──它還是那玲瓏剔透的冰塊嗎?

曾經相信過海枯石爛作為永恆不滅的表徵,後來知道,原來海其實很容易枯,石,原來很容易爛。雨水,很可能不再來,滄海,不會再成桑田。原來,自己腳下所踩的地球,很容易被毀滅。海枯石爛的永恆,原來不存在。

--龍應台《目送》