Useless ?!

It seens that my recovery system don't work very well these days...What happened indeed?

Lots of feelings need to be faced and touched. Mom sounds little strange on the phone, I knew she didn't wanna tell me what's going on. "You need hot water, mommy, don't forget to have more." I said. "You are not here by my side to do that for me, it's useless to say that." She said to me. I were astonished in mind but I pretended to be as usual and reminded her again and told her I will come back home right after I finish my papers. She was in a hurry to get off the phone.

It is really cruel to me...

When you find something you want to do but however you can't, how do you feel? Such a single word as "Sad" can't express currectly. Sad and disappointed and....some words I can't tell.

Yesterday when I finished my job at school, I walked back and when I was on the way at NTU, I called Mom and asked about her cold for days. As soon as I hang up the phone, I decided to make a gift for her while someday if I get to the U.S. to study. I will prepare a glass container and fill it with hundreds of capsules each with a tiny & colorful paper card inside. She can open one capsule a day and read the words I left. "Dear Mommy, I wear so so much now in freezing America, don't worry too much. I love U" "I know you miss me, please check my blog to see my picture, I can take care of myself here :)" After I figured out my colorful capsule plan, I was so excited. However, now my mind go blank...

Useless.....Useless..........

How could everything become useless when I am far apart? What can I do will make you feel useful when I 'm far apart? If I know, I will try with all my heart.

After working all day, I have no strength for tears.